Comments on: Sleep, Changing Patterns In The Family Bed

By: Cheryl Taylor

Cheryl Taylor — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 16:17:35 +0000

If she has gone to bed at 8p then she has already had 8 or 9 hrs of sleep by 4a-5a and that very simply may be her complete night. I would suggest that if you want her to sleep later in the morning that you consider moving her bedtime later. It's easy for a busy mom to get caught up with doing tasks after baby goes to sleep and stay up later than intended and then be bleary eyed when baby wakes up early.

By: Becky

Becky — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 13:59:58 +0000

My daughter (19 months) sleeps great from 8 pm to 4 or 5 am. When she wakes up, I've brought her into our bed and we co-sleep until 7ish. The problem is that she has to be nursing the whole time so I really don't get much sleep. I'm ready to start changing this and wondered if I should follow a similar pattern as suggested above. Bring her into bed and cuddle but not nurse? I hate to just get up for the day that early as I'm sure she needs more sleep than that (not to mention that I'm not a morning person!) Any suggestions are welcome!

Thank you!

By: Cheryl Taylor

Cheryl Taylor — Sat, 02 Oct 2010 14:38:57 +0000

Did you stop drinking cow's milk with your older daughter because she was reacting to it? Have you eliminated dairy from your younger daughter's diet and your diet? Food allergies run in families, and since dairy can cause GI distress that wakes a baby, I would be suspect of dairy.

By: Cheryl Taylor

Cheryl Taylor — Sat, 02 Oct 2010 14:30:57 +0000

Have you considered a reaction to a food? Does she have some of the top ten food allergens in her diet or in yours? They are dairy, wheat, soy, egg, citrus, shellfish and peanuts/tree nuts. The gas and cramping is most likely to be dairy, egg or soy. A food allergy or reaction can cause GI pain that wake them up at night and makes sleeping a nightmare.

By: Misty Pratt

Misty Pratt — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 18:08:22 +0000

My daycare provider sent me this article and I'm so grateful. I know how lucky I am to have an attached babysitter caring for my little girl! She is now 1 year old, and has extremely difficult sleeping patterns. She struggled with horrible reflux for many months and used to wake up every 30 minutes. She has finally gotten to the point that she will sleep longer stretches at the start of the evening, but beginning around 10pm, she will continue to wake up every hour until morning (and on nights she is sick or teething, she reverts back to every 30-45min). I used to be able to handle this by sleeping while she nursed, but now that she is older and much more physical, she wakes me up fully by kneeing me and clawing at me. I'm now back to work, and having a really hard time dealing with everyday life in such a sleep deprived state. I wonder, are plans such as this helpful for babies who have struggled with illnesses such as reflux, or do I just need to grin and bear it until she is more mature? Her reflux seems much better, but she still has tummy troubles quite a lot (gas and it seems like cramps as well). We have tried so many things with her diet, and most of the time, I think I will never figure out what's bothering her. Thank you!!

By: Joy

Joy — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 19:55:44 +0000

I have an 11-month old who is still not sleeping through the night. Before bed, she takes a bath with her sister, put on pajamas, feed bottle, read three books, lights off. Then I have to stand and rock her because she won't allow me to sit and rock her. I also have a fan for white noise. She has slept through the night a hand-full of times, and we were seeing progress in her night wakenings until she became sick recently, and totally regressed. She often wakes at least 4-5 times a night screaming, and her naps have gone from 1.5 hrs at a time, to 30-45 minutes, again, waking up screaming. I have tried to limit nursing time, but that doesn't seem to make her want to stop. She is VERY active, and moves all over her bed, which I think sometimes wakes her up because she bangs into the side. I have been able to get her back to sleep without nursing, but not everytime. So it makes me think she's truly hungry; she is larger for her age. I just don't know what to do anymore though…my husband is frustrated. I am frustrated, and tired. I just really want sleep. My other thought is maybe she isn't active enough during the day? She is completely different than my first daughter, which is making this much more difficult because once I stopped drinking cow's milk while nursing, my first daughter started sleeping really well. So what do I do? Any advice.. please! I am so desperate for solid sleep!

By: Cheryl Taylor

Cheryl Taylor — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 21:29:55 +0000

Have you considered a twin bed on the floor next to your bed on the floor? Sometimes it's just the trick needed to give space for a thrashing toddler yet proximity to parent's soothing voice. Another idea is to put a mattress on the floor of his room, so that he can get up and come to you if he needs you, or you can lie down with him for a bit and then leave. It certainly doesn't hurt to try either one and see what might work. You're obviously well experienced with the values of cosleeping and have been navigating through this because you are aware of the important bond you have created and want to maintain. Some children just have a very hard time actually coming all the way conscious from sleep and then aren't really aware that they need to soothe themselves back to sleep, and in that half awake state really thrash about a lot.

Let me know how this progresses.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 19:15:03 +0000

I love this plan…I have nursed all my kids until 2-3 and coslept with all. I nightweaned my first two at about 20 months, and it went beautifully. My third baby is 23 months old and was still nursing every few hours and not sleeping well at all. Our hope was that he would sleep better if we broke the nursing-every-few-hours pattern. We nightweaned him over a few weeks period (it ended up being a modified plan…Ezra had a nasty cold and we had some unexpected guests). He has adapted quite well to not nursing (it's been over a month now), but his overall sleep has not improved at all! He still awakens every 2 hours or so, and about 3 times a week he will have these awful restless nights…he awakens around 3:00 and tosses and turns for several hours…sometimes until my husband's alarm goes off. He has done a similar thing for about a year, but at least when I nursed him he'd lie still and eventually fall asleep. Now he just tosses and turns and flops and flaps forever! No crying or fussing, just incredibly restless. No one can sleep and it's so frustrating that nightweaning hasn't brought us any more sleep. I have considered his nap schedule, physical playtime, my caffeine intake, etc…but I can't figure out a pattern. I'm feeling like our only option is to quit co-sleeping, so that at least his flopping around won't keep us up. BUT, this would be very traumatic for him…he doesn't even do well in his crib in our room. So…can you see something here than we're missing??? Thanks SO much…sorry it's so long!

By: Cheryl Taylor

Cheryl Taylor — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 20:41:23 +0000

Breastfeeding is not the cause of dental caries. Take a look at other foods and liquids in his diet for the source of sugars that can lead to dental caries. Some children also simply have very thin enamel on their baby teeth that is particularly susceptible to dental caries. Here is a link to some information on dental caries and breastfeeding: (from our Link Library that is currently under complete renovation!) http://65.61.36.192/alezav16/default2.asp?tree=61...

By: Cheryl Taylor

Cheryl Taylor — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 20:26:54 +0000

This can be a tricky stage that kids go through where they are in the inbetween stage of not needing a nap every day but not quite ready to go without one every day. You are doing the right thing by being flexible. The night terror reaction to waking during the night can be as simple as the heavy sleep of a young child that keeps them from being completely awake when they seem to have wakened. I don't necessarily think it's something to be greatly concerned about at this point, but might suggest that you keep a log of the times when it happens and a few details of that day…the activities, what was eaten…just on the possibility that there may be something of consistency. You are doing a great job of teaching him when it is time for sleeping but offering him your presence to help him soothe back to sleep with your comforting near. Some children just need mom near to fall asleep peacefully for longer than others. It's certainly very normal for him to still need you near at 3.5 years of age. It's more about his personality than anything and a credit to your parenting that you are setting some boundaries but offering the comfort that he is expressing he needs.

By: t

Sun, 29 Aug 2010 04:25:49 +0000

Cheryl,

Thanks so much for your detailed answer and the suggestion to encourage a happy bedtime.. I actually went back to lying with my son until he was almost asleep and making sure our bedtime was very peaceful. I also lay with him when he does wake at 4:30 until he falls asleep and he seems to go to sleep for an hour or two more. Although, he still wakes up atleast once a night a couple times a week, is this typical for a 3.5 year old? Somedays he is napping and some days he is not. I always lie down with him for his nap around 2pm and sometimes he will sleep and sometimes he does not. When he does nap it is about 2 hours. However, at night our son will sometimes wake up in a complete rage. He will scream like crazy and hit me if I come close and then after about 5-15 min he will stop and go right to sleep. I think this is like some sorta night terror or confusional arousal, he use to sometimes act this way when he would wake up from his naps but now its just at night. At what point would you suggest involving a pediatric sleep specialist or do you think he will just grow out of all these crazy sleep patterns. As I stated before he averages 10-12 hours a sleep a day and usually wakes up around 6. He will go to bed at 7 if he does not nap and if he naps will go to sleep around 8:30. Thanks so much for your tips!

By: Monica

Monica — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 18:22:55 +0000

Thank you for advice on night weaning for people who share a family bed. Sadly, my 12 month son has developed cavities and we will have to night wean. We were perfectly happy with our routine – I enjoy nursing my son and wasn't resentful of the wakings.Wish us luck. We start tonight.

By: Kristin

Kristin — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 12:31:13 +0000

Thank you, Dr. Gordon! I am so grateful to read this article, and will be bookmarking it so I can visit it often.

My husband and I both feel that co-sleeping with our baby, who is now an active, engaged, intelligent and confident 24 month old toddler, was the right decision for our family. But other than Dr. Sear's encouragement to co-sleep, I have not found much helpful information about what the family bed looks like with a growing toddler. Co-sleeping is a semi-secret in our circle of friends, family and doctors, because we do not want to be dissuaded from what feels natural and right to us.

That said, we know that change is the only constant, and have been casting around for an honest discussion of options and education regarding rearranging the family bed as our child grows. We will not be weaning him from night nursing or the family bed anytime soon, but it is such a relief to know there are thoughtful and sensitive plans, and support, for parents to help teach a child that nighttime is for sleeping.

We could never tolerate reading discussions that involve the intolerable "cry it out" or "mommy and daddy are exhausted sexless martyrs for your benefit" methods. There is a third way! Thank you for your important discussion on "baby-centered" and "baby's family centered" sleeping. What wonderful words and ideas to add to our vocabulary and experience!

By: Lisa

Lisa — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 02:04:08 +0000

It’s not an original idea, but we took our bed off the frame and put it on the floor. I put a pillow on the floor on my side of the bed just in case, and we trained our baby the firemen crawl, so that when he exits the bed on purpose, he does it feet first, with his tummy on the mattress. I’m really desperate otherwise, because our little dictator nurses four and five times a night while he’s teething, and he’s working on sixteen teeth at fifteen months old. (Help!)

By: Quinn

Quinn — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 19:44:20 +0000

No advice here, just writing in understanding! My 18 month old twins still sleep in the family bed,(which for the most part we love!) and each nurse many, many times during the night. I am exhausted! And not ready to wean, but don't know what else to do other than try this. We will start Dr. Jay's advice tonight. Wish us luck! If I get more than 2 hours of consecutive sleep anytime soon, I will be a happy mama!

By: Cheryl Taylor

Cheryl Taylor — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 06:12:49 +0000

The idea of teaching her to lie down and sleep with your husband is a very good idea, as it will give you another piece of night weaning. It will also help to foster her feelings of having something special with her Daddy, which will help when she’s adjusting to a new sibling. I would make it a point to do things especially with her when your newborn is asleep or being held by someone else.

Some children….some people really!…are just not flexible when it comes to their sleep cycles. She may be an early riser and there may not be anything you try that ever changes that. However, you can teach her different habits. She can learn that if she wakes up early her options are to read quietly in bed or quietly play with a doll or stuffed animals but stay in her room.

I think the biggest key to making changes with an almost two year old is to talk about it with her at a time during the day (and several times per day!) about what you expect and how things are going to go that evening and morning. Talk talk talk about it with her. It’s almost as if describing in advance what she needs to “see” happening. With a little time she will then make it happen. Praise her HUGEly for every little step in the right direction…again…during the day when she’s at her best.

Hope this helps and congratulations on the new baby on the way!

By: Cheryl Taylor

Cheryl Taylor — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 22:50:21 +0000

Yes it is tricky to cosleep with twins! When my twins were one I had transitioned them to sleeping on their own because I also found that they woke me frequently. Some babies are extraordinarily mobile while they sleep. My boys thrashed and flopped around all night long, and I found they didn't sleep well together. Have you considered setting up your bed on the floor and putting smaller mattresses to the side of them to give them their own space to sleep in? Many cosleepers find that extending their space is the answer. That can allow you to lie down beside a baby that wakes to nurse and one of them may learn to sleep longer at night before the other. Another option is to leave your room/bed as it is and put mattresses on the floor of their room at night time. I still would recommend giving them some space to sleep in, whether that means more than one mattress or a large mattress.

If you feel they are ready to night wean you'll need to have a plan of action for means to comfort that doesn't involve nursing. You can soothe with voice, patting, holding their hand…whatever you think will be most helpful for them as a tool to soothe back to sleep without nursing. You are the one that is the best judge of whether they are ready to night wean and what might work best for them.

Hope this helps. I feel your pain! I was a very tired, though happy, mom of twin toddlers…but there does come a point when exhaustion rules and you have to adjust things simply for survival.

By: Cheryl Taylor

Cheryl Taylor — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 22:07:31 +0000

That's the million dollar question. There are so many things that can interrupt a one-year-old's sleep that I'm more surprised that any of them sleep through the night! That she is going 7-8 hrs. without nursing during the night time hours is a lot of progress toward night weaning, even if it's hard to see from the perspective of a tired mom that has her sleep interrupted for a year. It is really HUGE progress that she will settle down with you holding her hand and speaking to her. What you've done is build the foundation on which she is going to learn to sleep through the night, because you've given her the tools with which to do it. What you can't do is push her into being ready. Continue with your program of teaching her that night time is for sleeping as long as you feel you are continuing to make progress. Some babies that are not ready to night wean at 12 months will do so easily 2 or 3 months later. She just isn't quite ready to do it yet, but you're really doing a good job of teaching her. You may need to take a look at her nap and night time schedule and adjust it. As they get older and slowly need less sleep their naps may need to be shortened or bedtime scooted a little later in order to allow their deepest sleep during the portion of the night when YOU would also like to be sleeping.

Regarding sleep training…I always found it ironic that some of my friends that were so gungho about sleep training their infants went on to have an older child with whom they had major night time bed battles that dominated their evenings.

Hope this helps.

By: Eileen

Eileen — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 10:41:25 +0000

Hi, first I have to say I am so very grateful for this website. There is so much information out there saying you have to sleep train your baby early on or you'll be sorry. Your recommendations are so much more in line with what feels right to me as a parent.

I'm trying to night wean my 12 month old. So far we've done 3 weeks of no nursing or picking up between 7pm-3am (after 3am I nurse if she wakes). In spite of this, she continues to wake 2-3 times between 7pm-3am; I settle her by holding her hand and speaking to her. Why is she still not sleeping through this 7-8 hour stretch?

By: Jill

Jill — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 14:50:45 +0000

I have 12 month old twins who cosleep with us and are still BF on demand. They are doing great but I am really needing to get more sleep than I currently do. I want to try to implement this program, but I don't know how to adjust it for twins.

Currently our nighttime routine looks like this: tandem nurse both babies to sleep around 9 PM, transfer to cribs (which are in our bedroom). They sleep in their cribs until 11-12 PM, and when they wake I usually get up and bring them to our bed, where they then have unlimited access to me for the rest of the night.

This has worked out to some degree because I get a lot more sleep this way, but cosleeping with twins isn't as easy as with one baby – lots less room in the bed, active crawling/climbing babies are getting past the barriers and we fear them falling on the floor, etc. Plus, DH is getting to the point where he is pretty insistent about them being transitioned to cribs, as he wants the bed back. In any case, it's time for a change but I just don't know how to implement it with all of these variables in place.

For the last couple of nights I've tried nursing them and putting them back in their own beds instead of keeping them with us. I've been getting up/down over 10 times a night (between two babies, getting up to nurse and then putting them back to bed) … which means I am getting NO sleep. This isn't going to work …!

Please help this exhausted twin mama with some advice on nightweaning twins … thanks!