I love the feeling when my toddler wraps her little arms around my neck and lays her head on my shoulder. And it’s so soothing when she strokes my hair as she falls asleep. It’s times like these when I’m so happy she’s nestled in my sling.

I formed a habit of carrying my baby, ever since her birth. We’re both happier because of this decision. And with a good sling, it’s no harder on me than pulling my own weight.

Yes, I’m one of “those”. . .a babywearing mom.

The concept of babywearing is as old as time, and is still prevalent today in many cultures. It’s a practice on the rise in the United States, (luckily for the babies!)

Advantages of Babywearing

• Return to the Womb – A baby being carried in a sling is able to experience warmth, motion, security, and sounds similar to what he heard while in the womb. Parents are more aware of their baby’s needs, and can attend to them immediately.
• Pays Attention to Tiny Backs – A sling will conform to a baby’s body, eliminating pressure on his developing spine.
• Close and Secure – Sling carriers allow babies to see and feel their mother, while increasing the time the mother is able to comfortably hold them.
• Hands Off The Baby Please – Wearing your baby in a sling protects him from curious strangers and their germs. Most people won’t get too close to a baby being cuddled close to his mother’s breast.
• Baby’s Number One Choice – Babies prefer being held. (Think of the times you see mothers holding a baby with one arm and trying to push a stroller or shopping cart with the other.)
• Discreet Nursing – A sling provides for more discreet nursing in public.
• Optimal Weight Gain – A breastfed newborn who’s having a hard time gaining weight will benefit while carried in the sling because he’ll smell his mother’s milk and be stimulated to nurse more often.
• Weight Distribution – Slings, as opposed to strapped carries like backpacks or frontpacks, distribute the baby’s weight evenly over the parent’s back, reducing strain.
• Calmer Babies – Babies who are carried in a sling have more calm, alert periods. Slinging helps reduce crying and fussiness, and can help immensely with a baby who has colic.
• Confidence – Carrying a baby in a sling helps him to be more independent and self confident as he grows. A toddler who knows his mom is there for him and will pick him up and carry him when he needs her to is more apt to feel secure in his environment.
• Look Mom - HANDS! Older siblings will feel less resentful of a new baby who is carried in a sling, since Mom has her hands free to help with the older child’s needs.

How to Use Your Sling

It’s important to remember that using a sling is something that is learned. It will take a bit of practice to easily use your sling, but soon it will become almost automatic to place your baby in and go. You will have more success if your baby is rested and fed before you start.

Preparing Your Sling for Use

1. Lay your sling out flat. It will be easier to thread this way.
2. Take the portion at the end where there are not rings and fold them as you would a paper fan or a strip of construction paper to make something “jump out” of a card that you made in elementary school. It is a sort of corrugated fashion folding back and forth until you have a neat stack. The width of your folds should be the same as the width of the folds that are sewn on the ring end of the sling.
3. Lay out your long folded sling with the Maya Wrap label facing upward.
4. Pick up your folded stack end and bring it toward the rings and through both rings about half the length of your folded sling.
5. Take the folded stack end and flip it back over, like a snake, OVER the top ring and UNDER the bottom ring.

Threading your sling is easier if you first lay it out flat. When you first open your sling, you will notice a folded over part. Holding the rings end of the sling in your left hand with the tag side down, unfold that piece and then spread the sling out completely on a flat surface. Gather the material together like you would fold a paper fan and pull it through both rings. Then pull it over the top ring and through the bottom ring, making sure to keep the edges or rails of fabric in the right place. (Follow each edge around to the rings and make sure it’s on the same side through the rings. Make sure the material in the middle is evenly distributed through the rings instead of all bunched up.)

Preparing to Wear Your Sling

(These instructions are for wearing your sling with the rings on your right shoulder; they can be mirrored for use with the rings on your left shoulder.)

Hold your sling with the tail facing out, the rings in your right hand. Put your left hand through the sling and bring it over your head, with the rings resting just slightly in front of your right shoulder. Spread the fabric of the sling over your shoulder and evenly over your back (all the way from your shoulder blades to your lower back.)

Pull the material tightly across your back so that all of the slack is in front of you. You are now ready to place your child in the sling.

The Cradle Hold
This hold is most popular for newborns, but can also be used with an older child or a nursing baby.

Pull the inner fabric up on your chest, creating a “pocket” for your baby to sit in. Place your child in the sling with his feet on the side with the rings. (MW slings can also be used with the child’s head on the same side as the rings. Either way is fine; it all comes down to what is more comfortable for you and your baby.) When the baby is comfortably in the sling with his head either inside or outside the sling (again, whatever is more comfortable for your child) pull the tail of the sling to tighten it. You can make the sling fit more snugly by adjusting the top and bottom rail independently.

Vertical Position
After pulling all the material around your back tightly, put your baby inside the sling with his bottom resting on the bottom rail, his tummy against yours, and his head resting on your upper chest. Holding him securely with your left hand, pull the fabric around him tightly, holding all of the slack between your hand and the rings. Gently tighten the sling with the top rail covering or mostly covering his head. This is for a newborn carry; a baby with head control will not need his head covered by the sling but may still enjoy the vertical position.

Kangaroo Carry
This position works best with younger babies who have head control. Put on your sling and create a pocket as if you were planning to use it in the cradle position. Cross your baby’s legs (“Indian Style”) and place the baby inside sitting up with his back against your chest. While supporting your baby’s weight, pull on the tail to tighten the sling.

Front Carry
Put your child in the sling facing sideways; he will be facing the rings. Be sure the bottom rail comes out to your child’s knees. If your child is restless or tired, you can place his arms inside the sling. Tighten the sling until your child is secure.

Hip Carry
This is an excellent position for heavy toddlers because your hip is used to support your child’s weight. Put your child in your sling resting on your hip with your child’s legs straddling you. The bottom of the sling should extend out to your child’s knees. The top of the sling should come up to his shoulder blades. This position can be used with the child’s arms inside or outside the sling. Tighten the sling until your child is secure.

Troubleshooting: If your back begins to feel strained, make sure your baby is pulled close to your body. Tighten the sling as necessary.

You can view the Maya Wrap instructional online video here: Maya Wrap Instructional Video.

Back Carry
The back carry position is recommended for children who are at least one year old. Put your sling on with the rings too high (either on or behind your shoulder.) Place your child in the sling as far back on your hip as possible with his arms covered. Tighten your sling until your child is secure. Carefully slide your baby around to your back. Until you are familiar with this position it’s a good idea to have someone help make sure your child is secure in the sling. The back carry position should only be used with a cooperative child.

Troubleshooting: If the rings end up in the middle of your chest while using this position, take your baby out and begin again, putting baby further back on your hip and starting with the rings further behind your shoulder.

As long as you and your baby are both comfortable, there really is no “wrong” way to use your sling. The more you use it, the easier it becomes, and the more indispensable it will be to you.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q. This all sounds nice, but won’t my baby become spoiled if I hold her too much?

A. Actually, the opposite is true. Responding to a baby’s needs lets her know she is loved and valued. Babywearing promotes deep bonding and allows parents to respond more quickly to their baby’s cues. “Spoiling” happens when something is neglected. Your child will grow confident and secure when her needs for dependency are met in her early years.

Q. How do I learn to use my new sling?

A. Wearing your baby in a sling will be a very pleasurable experience for both of you, so have fun! Maya Wrap slings come with written instructions with pictures, and an instructional video is also available. You’ll have better results learning to use your sling if your baby is rested and fed. Some babies don’t like the idea of the sling in the very beginning, so when you get the baby inside and adjusted, start moving immediately. The motion helps them get used to being help in the sling. And truly, the more you use your sling, the more comfortable you will be at using it. It will become like second nature to put your baby in, make a minor adjustment and go.

Q. I’m pregnant with twins. There’s no way I can use a sling for my babies, right?

A. Slinging twins is more of a challenge, but so is everything relating to twins. This can be done! When the babies are newborn, both can be worn in one sling (just order one size larger than you would normally need.)

One possible position is a double “tummy-to-tummy” carry. Place one baby over each breast facing you, with the babies’ legs either inside or outside the bottom of the sling (whichever the babies prefer). Tighten the tail until the babies are both snugly held against your chest.

Another position for newborn twins is with their feet touching, with the babies facing each other sideways in the sling. Place one baby in the sling with her head facing the rings. Then put the second baby in, facing the first. Tighten the sling until snug.

When the babies are older, you can wear your babies by using two different size slings. If you would normally require a medium sling, you would need a medium and a large. Put on the smaller sling first and get one baby snugly situated. (You can use a cradle position for younger babies or a hip carry for older ones.) Then put the larger sling over and get the second baby positioned and tighten the sling.

Q. My baby doesn’t seem to like the sling. Am I doing something wrong?

A. Most babies like the snug, cuddling feeling of being carried in a sling, but some take a little longer to get used to it. If your baby is fussy in the sling, here are a few suggestions:

Move around immediately
Eventually you will be able to be less active with your baby in the sling, but at first, and if the baby seems restless, start walking as soon as you have him secured in the sling. The rhythmic motion will be soothing, and your baby will enjoy all the sights from his new perspective.

Give her a few minutes to get used to it
As with anything new, being in a sling can take some getting used to. If your baby isn’t crying, but is just a bit fussy, give him a few minutes to adjust to being inside the sling. If he becomes very upset, take him out and try again later. This might mean in an hour, a few days, a week or even a month later. A baby who seemed to hate being in the sling at 2 months old may surprisingly enjoy it at 3 months old. I found with my daughter that positioning was what made the difference. She didn’t like the cradle hold when she was newborn, but did enjoy the vertical position with her head only slightly covered for support. (I used my hand to provide all the support she needed until she could hold it up herself.) We still use our sling daily, and she’s 17 months old.

Relax!
Your baby will sense your tension. If you are frustrated with not being able to expertly tighten the sling, take a deep breath, or try again later when you are feeling more relaxed. It may be that just a change in position will make the difference with how your baby reacts to being inside the sling.

Hold your baby through the sling
Put the sling loosely around your baby. Continue to hold her with your arms. As she begins to relax, gradually tighten the sling until she is being completely supported by it.

Feed your baby
Your little one may be more accepting of the sling if she is being nursed.

My Favorite Sling

I have used several different kinds of baby carriers over the years with my older children and never found one that was really beneficial without causing a lot of strain on my back and shoulders. When a friend bought me a Maya Wrap sling as a gift when I was pregnant with my youngest child, I thought, this is just another carrier I’ll never use. Boy, was I wrong! My baby is a rambunctious toddler and we still use our sling every day.

Maya Wrap slings are:

• Versatile (can be used in many positions, and with babies from birth to 35 pounds.)
• Lightweight (cool in the summer, and not bulky – just toss it in your diaper bag or on under your coat and go!
• A great aid for discreet nursing in public (the long tail can be tossed over the baby’s head for complete coverage.)
• Very comfortable (the fabric spreads completely over your back and shoulder, distributing the weight of your baby evenly, and minimizing back strain.)
• Usable for parents of many sizes (they are available in small, medium, large, and extra large.) When ordering your sling, choose the size that will fit the larger parent; a larger size merely adds extra tail length for the smaller parent.
• Quite beautiful (Maya Wrap slings come in a variety of hand-woven fabrics, including four solid shades).

To read more about Maya Wrap slings or to place an order, you can visit my website: Maya Wrap Slings by Rachel.

We had to do that because I didn’t write the article clearly enough and need to clarify some very important facts.

It would be hard to find as strong a proponent of the family bed as I am. Yet, I have received email commenting that there were sections of this “plan” which were easy to misinterpret as being just another angle on “sleep training” for young babies. It is not meant to be that. Not even close to an endorsement of the benefits of getting your baby to “soothe herself to sleep” during the first year.

Here’s what I really want to do: I want to offer an alternative to Ferber and Weisbluth and the Whisperer. I never want to see my ideas applied to a four month old or even a seven month old baby. As a matter of fact, I am not too excited about pushing any baby around at night but I know that sometimes it will be done and I’d like to offer a gentle, supported plan for after the first year.

Before I go any further, let me express my overriding concern. Babies do better when we answer all their questions as best we can and meet their needs as best we can.

Most of the families I have taken care of in my pediatric practice sleep in a family bed.

Their babies tend to breastfeed for more than one year and they don’t sleep through the night any better than most of us would if we napped and cuddled within inches of the best restaurant in town and knew it was open 24 hours a day.

This arrangement is not just adequate and tolerable, but actually feels easier to moms who can just roll over, nurse a while and fall back to sleep with their babies rather having to get out of bed to nurse or, alternatively, refuse to nurse and get their babies back to sleep some other way.

Lots of parents continue this pattern through the first year and well into the second and beyond, but some get tired of it — or just plain tired — after a while and are looking for a way to change things. Saddest of all, some moms and dads think that total weaning from breastfeeding is the best way to get more sleep. They choose not to look into nighttime weaning as a good option instead.

There are dozens of confusing books and magazine articles implying that there can be some quick and easy way to get your baby to sleep or to not nurse through the night. I have yet to read one which told parents the complete truth: It’s not easy, it’s rarely quick and it’s usually a little loud and heartbreaking for a few nights . . . or more. I have seen too many families needing help and getting offered choices they didn’t like at all.

I have a better alternative to completely weaning or to letting the baby cry it out. Babies wake up for the optimal interaction with their moms, breastfeeding back to sleep. If we offer them a little less than that for a few nights and then a little less and still less in the ensuing nights, gentle behavior modification will lead them to realize that it might not be “worth it” to knock on the door of a closed restaurant, so to speak.

I don’t recommend any forced sleep changes during the first year of life. Probably the only exception to this would be an emergency involving a nursing mom’s health. There are many suggestions in books and magazines for pushing “sleeping through the night” during a baby’s early months or during the first year. I don’t think this is the best thing to do and I am quite sure that the earlier a baby gets “non-response” from parents, the more likely he is to close down at least a little.

Don’t get me wrong. I love the family bed, child-led weaning and cuddling all through the first, second, third year or more if it’s working well and if the family is doing well. Don’t let anyone convince you that this is a harmful choice or that there will be “no way” to get him out of your bed if you don’t do it now. Don’t believe anyone who says that babies who cuddle and nurse all night long “never” learn to self soothe or become independent. This is simply nottrue but it sells books and the myths stay in our culture.

Some moms just don’t want to do this after some months or years and there should be a third choice to the dichotomy of crying it out or giving in to all-night nursing. Again, I support the family bed and frequent night nursing for a long time and even attempt to pull some parents along “just a little farther,” but I often have to switch tacks and support and help families with difficult choices.

Here’s what I recommend for older babies:

Choose the most valuable seven hours of sleep for yourselves. I personally prefer 11p.m. through 6 a.m. but you might have a slightly different idea.

Change the rules during those hours and be comfortable that a “well-built” family bed baby’s personality can withstand this rule changing and the mild inconsistency of getting everything he wants all the time . . .oops, almost all the time. That’s the word we want to show this baby. The word “almost.” If only we could explain to him that “tired moms and dads take their children to the park a little less and that children of well-rested parents get to go the zoo and for hikes a lot more than children of exhausted parents.” If that explanation only made sense to kids somewhere before the third birthday (and it doesn’t!) they would simply roll over, say, “See you in the morning,” and let us get the sleep we want.

I try to do this in three- and four-night intervals.

I’m assuming that you have a wonderfully healthy 12-, 15-, 20- or 30-month old baby who still loves to wake up every 2 to 4 hours to cuddle, eat or . . . whatever. I’m assuming that you have thought this through, decided you want to make changes and alerted the neighbors that it might be a little noisy for a week or so.

I’m assuming that both parents agree — or almost agree — that this is the best thing to do. And, most important assumption of all, you are willing to go “in a straight line” to the goal of seven straight hours of sleep.

The reason for that last statement: If your baby learns that crying, squirming and fussing (euphemisms, let’s just say “crying” . . . sorry) for an hour will get him fed you will set yourself back quite a bit. This is the best program I have seen but it’s far from easy. And now, to say it again, I really like what you’ve been doing. Cuddling, nursing, hugging through the night. Don’t change this with my program or any other if you’re happy doing what you’re doing. But . . .

The First Three Nights

At any time before 11 p.m. (including 10:58) nurse to sleep, cuddle and nurse when he wakes up and nurse him back to sleep, but stop offering nursing to sleep as the solution to waking after 11 p.m.. Instead…..

When your baby awakens at midnight or any other time after 11 p.m., hug him, nurse him for a short time but make sure he does not fall asleep on the breast and put him down awake. Rub and pat and cuddle a little until he falls asleep but don’t put him back on the breast (or give him a bottle if that’s what you’ve been doing). He must fall asleep with your comfort beside him, but not having to nurse to feel comforted enough to drift off.

Now, he will tell you that he is angry and intensely dislikes this new routine. I believe him. He will also try to tell you that he’s scared. I believe he’s angry, but a baby who’s had hundreds of nights in a row of cuddling is not scared of falling asleep with your hand on his back and your voice in his ear. Angry, yes. Scared, no, not really.

During these first three nights, repeat this pattern only after he has slept. He might sleep for fifteen minutes or he might sleep for four hours, but he has to go to sleep and reawaken to get cuddled and fed again.

These will be hard nights.

You may have decided you’re really not ready to do this. That’s OK. Stop and start over again in a few months if you like. Choosing the right time is crucial and many people choose a time suggested or pushed by friends, doctors or in-laws. This doesn’t work as well.

Is it better to do this in the family bed, a crib in the same room or using a crib in another room? I prefer to continue the family bed even though it might seem harder at first, but it has always seemed harder to me to be putting a baby in and out of a crib. However, a crib or toddler bed in your room may be what works best for you. Another option is to expand your bed’s limits by placing another mattress against your mattress. A bit more space for each family member may help to solve some of the sleep issues. My least favorite choice is a crib or bed in a separate bedroom.

Again, during these first three nights, between 11 p.m. and 6 a.m., cuddle and feed short, put him down awake, rub, pat, talk until he falls asleep and repeat this cycle only after he’s slept and reawakened. At 6:01 a.m., do whatever you have been doing as a morning routine ignoring the previous seven hours’ patterns. Many babies will roll over, nurse and cuddle back to sleep and give you an extra hour or so. Some won’t.

For me, one of the most reassuring parts of this “sleep plan” is seeing that babies wake up fine, happy and grudge-free about the change in the rules. You’ll see what I mean, even if the first few minutes of the morning are not exactly as they’ve always been.

The Second Three Nights

Again, the nursing to sleep stops at 11 p.m. When he wakes up, hug him and cuddle him for a few minutes, but do not feed him, put him down awake. Putting him down awake is a crucial part of this whole endeavor because it really does teach him to fall asleep with a little less contact and then a little less. Not feeding is the big change during these three nights. One-year-old babies can easily go for those seven hours (or more) with no calories. Theylike to get fed a little through the night, but physiologically and nutritionally, this is not a long time to go without food.

If I could wake my wife a few times each night, ask her to squeeze me a little fresh orange juice (my favorite drink) and rub my back while I drank it, I wouldn’t choose to voluntarily give up this routine. My wife might have some different ideas and get tired of the pattern quickly. Babies rarely give up their favorite patterns and things — day or night– without balking and crying.

I really don’t like listening to babies cry. I actually hate listening to babies cry. Unlike them, though, we adults can truly understand the implications of lack of sleep for a family of three, four or more people. Sleep patterns sometimes have to be changed. The incredible safety and reassurance the family bed has provided, and continues to provide, supplies the best context and location for these changes.

During these second three nights, some babies will cry and protest for ten minutes at a time and some will go for an hour or more. Your toddler is aware that you are right beside him, offering comfort and soothing. It just isn’t the mode of comfort he wants at the moment. It is hard to listen to him fuss, but it will work. I believe that a well-loved baby, after a year or more in the family bed, will be the ultimate beneficiary of his parents getting more sleep. Not coincidentally, the parents benefit “big time,” too.

“Yes, for the past many months we have enjoyed voting “1 to 2″ — non-democratically — in favor of . . . the baby. ‘Anyone want to get up all night, feed and walk the baby and be really tired all day and the next day too?’ Well, the vote is 1 to 2 in favor of the baby.”

Now, what we’re saying is, we will sometimes be voting two to one in favor of the baby’s family. This “baby’s family” concept may be abhorrent to he who considers himself the King of England, or Emperor of the Whole World, but our knowing he has that feeling of power allows us to confidently demote the dictator to a majority-respecting member of the family. His family.

By the end of the sixth night, your baby is going back to sleep without being nursed or fed. He’s going back to sleep after a nice hug, a cuddle and with your hand on his back and your words in his ear.

If, at any point this is feeling “wrong” to you, stop, wait some months and start over. Don’t go against your “gut instincts” which tell you that this is the wrong time to get longer sleep intervals from your baby. Your instincts are better than any sleep-modification program ever written.

The Next Four Nights

Nights seven, eight, nine and ten. Don’t pick him up, don’t hug him. When he awakens after 11 p.m., talk to him, touch him, talk some more, but don’t pick him up. Rub and pat only. No feeding either, obviously. He will fall back to sleep. Repeat the rubbing and talking when he reawakens. By the end of the ninth night, he will be falling back to sleep, albeit reluctantly for some babies and toddlers, with only a rub and a soothing voice.

After

After these first ten nights, continue to cuddle and feed to sleep if you like and he wants to, but do nothing when he wakes up except to touch a little and talk to him briefly. This may continue for another three or four nights but occasionally keeps going for another week or more. Then . . . it stops. He has learned that he is just as well-loved, gets virtually everything he needs and wants all day, but must give seven hours per night back to his parents and family.

What happens if you travel, he gets sick or some other circumstance demands a return to more nighttime interaction? Nothing. You do what you need to do (cuddle, nurse, walk, in the middle of the night, as many times as you need to) and then spend a night or two or three getting back to the new pattern the family has established.

By the way, pay the baby. Make sure that he really does get a lot of the benefit of your getting a good night’s sleep. Go to the park more often. Do all those things with him you said you’d do if he ever let you sleep longer. Explain it to him as you’re doing it. He’ll understand in an ever increasing way and will be OK with all this.

The media is now giving this study considerable attention, largely ignoring previous studies and evidence that safe co-sleeping is of great benefit to babies and their parents.  Almost lost in the media frenzy are the important statistics involving babies that are lost to SIDS in their own cribs, in order to glamorize the new results.  This was not a comparative study, yet many media outlets are jumping on the bandwagon in announcing that all new parents must buy cribs or they are akin to child abusers. Peggy O’Mara, editor of Mothering Magazine, writes more about the media and government’s sudden attack on co-sleeping in Get Out of My Bedroom!

Dr. Jay Gordon, a pediatrician in Santa Monica and a well-known authority on breastfeeding and attachment parenting, was less than enthusiastic about the new study. “Crib death may be prevented by co-sleeping, and breastfeeding is increased by sharing the family bed.  Countless thousands of lives are saved by the family bed and in twenty years as a pediatrician I have never seen a child in any way endangered by sleeping with her parents.  These researchers should be ashamed of themselves.”

The key to any sleeping arrangement in any household is safety and understanding and elimination of potential risk factors.  While no sleeping arrangement can be a 100% guarantee that there will be no problems, there are many things that parents do not know about creating a safe sleep space for their children.  In the CPSC study, most deaths occurred simply because parents did not put into practice safety precautions for their babies.  According to the National SIDS Alliance, approximately 2,700 babies die each year from SIDS; the vast majority of those sleeping alone in a crib. In the CPSC study, 515 died between 1990 to 1997 directly as a result of poor safety in co-sleeping.  Since much research has linked co-sleeping to decreased SIDS incidence, it is imperative that parents educate themselves about safety rather than blame the sleeping arrangements for causing harm.

If you do use a crib for your child, you need to know some basics.  Cribs manufactured before 1982 can be dangerous and should not be used for children, so do not accept hand-me-downs from well-meaning relatives.  Be certain the paint is not lead based and does not crack.  Look for missing or loose slats or loose screws on the crib.  Do not allow pillows or stuffed animals in bed with your baby until the baby is at least 12 months of age; and when the baby can stand, remove all bumpers.  Be careful that only lightweight blankets are used; better yet, use a light blanket sleeper for the child so that they can’t get tangled in blankets and suffocate.

Co-sleeping has been a safe, healthy, and wonderful alternative to the crib for many families.  Katie Allison Granju, author of Attachment Parenting: Instinctive Care for Your Baby and Young Child, recommends these safety factors when co-sleeping (many can be applied to crib sleep as well):

• When using a standard, off-the-floor bed, be absolutely sure that your baby cannot roll or fall off the sides.
  
• Young infants should sleep between their mother and the bed rail, not between both parents or beside an older sibling.
  
• Make sure that your mattress or futon provides a firm sleeping surface.  Never, ever allow an infant to sleep on a waterbed, featherbed, beanbag, deep pillowtop mattress or other inappropriately soft surface.
  
• Never sleep with your baby if you are under the influence of drugs, alcohol or prescription medication that makes you unusually groggy or sleepy.
  
• Exceptionally obese parents should use a sidecar arrangement (crib attached to the side of the bed) rather than having a young infant in the bed with them.
  
• Do not overload your bed with excessive pillows, blankets, or stuffed animals.
  
• Never fall asleep on a couch, sofa, or overstuffed chair with your baby.
  
• Do not stuff too many bodies into a bed with a small baby.
  
• Make sure that your baby isn’t overdressed.  Remember, the body heat in a family bed makes most bedtime bundling unnecessary.
  
• Dress your baby in safe sleepwear. Flame retardant with no strings or ties, just as you would if she were sleeping alone.

The study performs a service in pointing out the dangers of sleeping unsafely; but the implication that babies should never sleep with their parents, even with the proper precautions, may be a serious disservice to American families.  The bottom line is…sleep safely!

I have been a pediatrician for over twenty years and the vast majority of my patients co-sleep and take their babies with them rather than leaving them. They respond as fast as they can to crying and they also listen for more subtle cues.

I support this type of parenting for reasons almost too numerous to list, but I’ll try.

Intrauterine babies have the last “free lunch” and once they are out, they try to continue that incredibly tight relationship and continued influx of calories and food. They want to nurse at all hours of the day and night and want to be hugged and cuddled and carried and are 100% “non-spoilable.”

You can spoil a three year old if he cries for a cookie and you give him a cookie; he will learn to cry for a cookie. When your baby cries, it is her highest level of communication and she’s speaking about the most basic human and physiologic needs: hunger, warmth, trust, cuddles. If you tell her to wait because it’s only 3:45 instead of four o’clock, the feelings you engender are that she’s not as important as she thought and . . . you’re not as smart as you looked!

Turn this upside down: “What do you want and when would you like it and omigosh! you still want more?” This will set your family up for that time toward the end of the first year of life when you can say, “Waitaminit . . . please.” You can look your baby right in the eye and tell her that she is still the most important powerful person in that he world but that you fibbed a little when you told her she was the Queen of England. She can handle a “demotion” to family member instead of autocrat. The foundation for that “behavior modification” comes from extra love and cuddling during the first year, not from letting her cry it out when she needs more food or hugs. Conventional American childrearing gets this whole concept backwards.

Safety is the most important aspect of attachment parenting for many people. A baby in the Family Bed, worn in a sling or similar device and not left in the care of non-parents during the early months is the safest possible baby. I realize that many people have babysitters or other help may not want to “wear the baby” but I certainly strongly support those who do.

My best example: After nine months of planning and hard preparatory work, you open a flower shop. Of course, you have to get up at 3 AM to go to the market downtown to get the best flowers and the best buys and then you have to get set up and open your store by 9AM. The profit margin is not high so you have to work the store yourself for 10-12 hours and then do the books, make the deposit, clean up and more. With any luck, you may be in bed at some reasonable hour and get a few hours of decent sleep–although you may wake up in the middle of the night with worries about this new endeavor. Your life will be fuller and rewarding but it’s not easy to appreciate this when you are sleepless and concerned about making this work. (Your friends and family think you’re nuts for doing this because they have other conventional ways of running their lives.)

By the end of the year, you have the prettiest, happiest little flower shop and countless people remark on it being the finest they have ever seen. They make comments like, if I knew that I could start a business which turned out so well, I would open one myself!

Your friends, your occasionally unsupportive friends, are now laudatory and filled with compliments for your flower shop and the way you have done it.

All of this . . . for a flower shop. If you put the same time, effort and love into raising your baby, people get upset that you seem to be tired too much and hardly ever join them for lunch. Oh, well.

I had always co-slept, at least partially, from the time I brought Jordan home from the hospital.  At first, he started out the night in his crib and when he got up, I brought him into our bed.  When he was 4 months old he started getting up a lot due to teething pain, so I just co-slept with him full-time.  My husband was having a problem with this as space was limited, so we bought a king size bed and that helped my husband deal with it.  When Jordan turned 12 months old, my husband once again started complaining about Jordan sleeping with us as Jordan was still getting up a lot at night to nurse.

So we decided to move him into his own room, but we wanted to do it in a gentle way that didn’t involve crying it out.   I also wanted to cutback on his night nursing as he was getting up 3-6 times to nurse and I wanted to do this as gently as possible.  What we did was put away the crib, why waste time in trying to get him to sleep in it.  We then child-proofed his room, put our old queen mattress on the floor and a gate at the door for safety reasons.   I also accepted that this wasn’t going to happen overnight.
We kept his usual bedtime routine and I nursed him to sleep as usual.  I would go into his room with him when he woke up and nurse him back to sleep.  I gave him a couple of days to get used to not being in our bed and then I started cutting back his nursing time, telling him as I unlatched him “It’s okay to roll over and go to sleep”.  Sometimes this worked and sometimes I had to continue to nurse him.  In the beginning, I was in there most of the night but as he got used to this new nighttime arrangement, he started sleeping longer stretches and I rarely had to stay in his room to get sleep.  By the time he was 17 months old, he was only getting up 0-1 time a night, which was much better than the 3-6 times a night.

When he was around 22 months old, we bought him a twin bed and moved the queen mattress into the spare bedroom.  He slept in his new bed without it changing his pattern.  Around this time, we also wanted to change his going to sleep routine to one where he didn’t nurse to sleep.   So what I did was nurse him to the count of 10 on each side, rock him and sing to him.  I then laid down with him in his bed until he fell asleep.  He accepted this and will now go to sleep by himself in his room some of the time, which is okay, he is only 2 years old and is still learning independence.

There are times when he does come into our bed, such as when he is sick,  when his teething bothers him (he is getting his 2 year molars) or when he has had a bad dream.  He has no problem going to sleep in his room after the nights he is in our bed.