“If you don’t give a bottle to your baby in the first two months, he may never take one,” said an article. Wouldn’t want that to happen, I thought. I knew that I should not give artificial nipples in the first six weeks. To be safe, I decided to wait seven.

By seven weeks, nursing was quite familiar and pain free. I made the decision that it was time to try a bottle experiment. I hand-expressed about an ounce into a bottle and sat down to see if David would drink it. After some initial hesitation, he took it and then happily went back to my breast. I breathed a sigh of relief. I thought I could go back and forth from the bottle to the breast with no problems. A week later, I gave him his second bottle.

Uh oh. There’s trouble in paradise. David wouldn’t open his mouth wide enough to nurse. When he did open his mouth, he immediately stuffed his fist into it and then was furious that there was no milk there. I swaddled him to keep his hands confined but he kicked off his blanket. After a great deal of effort, I’d get him to latch only to hear the dreadful clicking sound. He was sucking his tongue instead of properly latching. When he did latch, I was afraid to take him off even if I was in pain. It took so much work to get him latched, even if it wasn’t a good latch, that I didn’t want to stop and start all over again. The bad latch continued. The blisters came back. The pain came back.

Nights were the worst. Time after time, I sat trying to get David to latch on. I tried all sorts of variations: lying down, sitting up, with or without the Boppy. Time was ticking away and still my baby was hungry. He was screaming, I was wailing and my husband was about to break down, too. The frustration of the whole situation was about to overwhelm us all. At one point my husband asked me “Are you going to feed him or not?” “I can’t feed him,” I sobbed back, “he has to feed himself.”

After forty-five minutes, David finally latched on and soon he is asleep. An hour and a half later we were doing it all over again.

Looking back at it now, I have no idea why I didn’t just give David a bottle. In my exhaustion I simply sleepwalked out of the realm of reason. Instinct took over and the bottles were not an option. I just knew that I had to put my son to the breast if I wanted to feed him. By sheer luck I avoided the slippery slope of nursing sessions replaced with bottles, increased nipple confusion and perhaps progressing to decreased supply and a premature end to breastfeeding. I danced on the edge of a cliff and didn’t even realize that it was there.

I was just plain lucky that David never rejected the breast. Perhaps waiting those seven weeks did that much good. It was obvious that he knew where the good stuff was and he wanted to get it. It just seemed as if he had forgotten how. That quickly, after only two bottles a week apart and with a spoonful of milk each, he was confused about how to latch. I never realized that nipple confusion could grab a hold so quickly or fiercely. I didn’t know that even an occasional bottle could jeopardize my entire nursing relationship.

I don’t remember how long this nightmare lasted. Time sort of suspends itself when you are struggling with your baby. I know that the worst was over within ten days. A month later it was all a distant memory as I was telling a friend how smoothly our breastfeeding relationship had started.

Two and a half years later, I start my days with my son snuggled against my breast. If I needed a reward for holding out against nipple confusion, I couldn’t have asked for a better one.

As a full-time working woman and part-time pumping mom, I’ll be the first to admit that pumping breastmilk for my baby can be a bit inconvenient. But then again, babies can be a bit inconvenient.

When I was originally nervous about whether I’d be able to keep up, another pumping mom at my job gave me her perspective.

At the time, I was exhausted and hugely pregnant. It was while making my regularly scheduled waddle to the bathroom that I bumped into Amy. She’d been taking over the ladies room of our small loft office space for about eight months to pump milk for her son. Some of the younger employees would smirk when they saw her with her pump bag and a door sign that simply said “Bathroom in use for 15 minutes.” She took it all in quiet good humor.

“Amy,” I said, “I gotta be honest with you. I don’t know if I’m up for that pumping thing.”

She stopped, and with a warm smile of the maternal sisterhood, gave me what was likely my first lesson in parenthood.

“Sharon, let me tell you, I don’t like that I have to leave my baby during the day and I do feel guilty about it. But three times a day, I take 15 minutes to do something for him. Something that I can do even though I’m not with him. I sit, think about nothing but him and produce the perfect food for him. Then when I get home, I drop my bags and reach for him. We nurse to re-connect in a way that we probably wouldn’t if we were formula feeding. The pumping is for him and for me.”

She hugged me and we both had a short little “hormonal moment” thinking about our respective babies. I thought a lot about what she said, because it made perfect sense. As it happened, my first real lesson in parenthood was about listening to your heart. My heart said that I had to give pumping an honest try.

Later on, she and another mother at work organized a group to pitch in for what I now think is the perfect shower gift for a working mother: a Medela Pump In Style.

I’ve been pumping for awhile now, and it has actually gone smoother than I imagined. Three times a day, I now take over our ladies room with my door sign and pump bag. I sit, relax, and think about my baby. Regardless of what kind of workday I have, I go home happy with the gentle heft of the bottles of breastmilk in my cooler bag to remind me that I accomplished something important today.

I make my long commute home, walk in the door, drop my bags, and reach for my baby girl. We baby-waltz to the couch where she nurses herself into a stupor. I watch her rolling her eyes in ecstasy and relax for a few minutes, awash in the stress-reducing hormones that nursing releases. I still hate leaving her, but I love coming home to nurse her.

If you haven’t decided about whether or not pumping is for you, please think about it. You may find that it’s the one thing that keeps you sane while trying to juggle the incredible load of full-time mother and full-time employee. Remember, the saddest thing is in giving up before you even try.

I suppose that many would say that worrying about how your formula fed your baby is ridiculous.  It’s over and done with, and there’s nothing you can do to change what’s done. However, I still worry.  Why? My daughter is eight now. She suffers from allergies; some food and some environmental.  Dairy is one of them.  As a small child, she had almost constant ear, nose and throat infections: Bronchitis, pneumonia, ear infection, ear infection, ear infection. Now that I know what I do about cow’s milk based formulas, I believe her early weaning could have caused these problems.  I accept my portion of the blame.

Here’s what happened.  My daughter was born on a fine April evening.  The labor nurse helped me latch her on right after delivery.  It was wonderful.  She was an expert nurser right from the start. We exclusively nursed until it was time for me to return to work. That is when the troubles began.

I had a pump. However, I wasn’t a great pumper, and no one around me could help me figure out how to pump enough to avoid formula while I was away. Soon, I stopped pumping, because it was too much of a hassle, and everyone around me said that formula was “just as good”.  I was still nursing at home, but soon that dropped to only once in the morning and once at night before bed.  At six months, my supply had dropped so badly that my daughter refused the breast.  I now know more about the dangers of supplementing to a nursing relationship, and  believe she had a case of nipple preference. So we weaned.  Just like that.  The end.

I truly thought there was nothing I could do to reverse the situation, and I really didn’t think there was any reason to.  Formula was fine.  Baby was fine. Or so I thought.

Now, let’s fast forward to my second child.  My pregnancy was a nightmare.  I was on bedrest  because of preterm labor.  I was petrified that my baby would be born prematurely, and THEN what would I do??  Well, I started researching and everywhere I read I saw more on the benefits of breastfeeding a premature baby.  They need the physical contact.  They need the breastmilk that only the mother of a premature infant can make. Breastmilk drastically reduces the risk of NEC (Necrotizing Enterocolitis). Breastmilk is easier on a premature infant’s digestive system.  Breastmilk provides immunities that formula cannot. The benefits go on and on and on.

An  anger began to build within me.  I was becoming furious. Why??  Why had I been led to believe that formula was just as good as breastmilk? Why had no one told me before that there was any difference?  No one told me.  NO ONE. How could I have been so ignorant?  How could I have fed my precious child formula?? And what was I now to do with this rage within me?

I determined that I would overcome any obstacle, and I would nurse this second child. Thankfully, he was NOT born prematurely.  We latched on for the first time at the hospital seconds after his birth, and we haven’t looked back since.  He is, at the time of this writing, fourteen months old.  Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that one day my baby and I would be where we are today.  It is beyond joy to look at my darling son and know that I have been able to give him the very best.  Not a drop of formula has passed his lips.

I thank all those who helped educate me.  I thank that nurse at the hospital that helped us latch for the first time.  I thank my son for loving the gift that only I, his mother, can give  him.

I am thankful, because I have learned my lesson.

In April of 1998 my husband and I found out we were expecting our first child. There were, of course, the usual feelings of excitement and trepidation. We thought about clothes, strollers, car seats, and diapers, but we never thought much about what we would feed our precious baby. That is, until we started natural childbirth classes.

There we were, learning breathing techniques and that breastfeeding was best. Curiously enough though, our Lamaze teacher never told us why breastfeeding was best. We were also told that not every Mom or baby could handle breastfeeding, and that we shouldn’t feel guilty if we had to use formula. I remember seeing a phone number for La Leche League on a pamphlet, but no one ever told me what La Leche League was or how it could help me.

On November 25, 1998, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. I was quite amazed to find that after all those hours of labor I wasn’t ready to sleep. In fact, I felt strangely energized and ready to hold my little girl and get off to a good start breastfeeding. I took her and laid her tiny little head in the crook of my arm and offered her my breast. I expected to feel a little strange at first, but all I felt was strangely complete.

Then came a long night of constant nursing. I felt like she was permanently attached to my breast, and what’s worse, it was really starting to hurt. The next day the pain was so bad I called the nurse for help. The nurse asked me how often I had been feeding her. I told her I’d been nursing every time she seemed hungry, which was at times every 45 minutes. The nurse said, “Oh my, no wonder you’re sore!  Didn’t anyone tell you that you should only be nursing every 3 hours?”

I cried, I felt like I was already messing things up. The nurse left with the promise of sending in a lactation consultant to make sure Lily was latching on correctly. A few hours later, the lactation consultant came to check things out. It seemed her timing was perfect, I had just put her to the breast. The lactation consultant stood in the doorway, watched a minute and then left saying that everything looked fine. I remember thinking I’d just have to deal with the pain until my nipples toughened up.

The nipple pain, though, soon became only one of a whole host of problems. I was discharged from the hospital 12 hours after giving birth with orders to take my daughter to her pediatrician in two days for a 48 hour checkup. So, I went to the pediatrician thinking I would be in and out in no time. We went back, she was weighed and we were put in a room. A little while later the doctor came in with a grim look on his face. She had gone from her birth weight of 7 lb. 7 oz. to 7 lb. 1 oz.

The pediatrician said she had lost too much weight and that I needed to supplement. All I could do was sit and cry. I had failed again. I was trying so hard to be a good Mommy and do the right thing, but I was failing miserably. At least that’s how I felt at the time. I walked out of the pediatrician’s office with a box of formula samples and a very heavy heart.

I started supplementing. I gave her an ounce of formula after each nursing, still making sure I was only nursing her every three hours. She seemed content on the formula and happy with the bottle, but nursing her got more and more difficult as the days went by. My nipples were not just sore anymore, they were cracked and bleeding. Still, I continued to nurse before every bottle, crying in pain the whole time.

At her two week appointment she was up to 8 lb. 1oz. The pediatrician was quite happy. I asked him if I still had to supplement and was told that I might be able to drop one or two bottles, but that formula was what was making my daughter gain weight. So, I left with more formula samples.

A month later things got even worse. My nipples hadn’t gotten any better and she was refusing to take the breast at all. I went out and bought a breast pump in the hopes of continuing to give her at least some breastmilk. I didn’t have very much luck with the pump and it was murder on my still cracked and bleeding nipples. I hung in there though, until she started getting extremely sick every time she got a bottle of expressed milk.

At her three month well baby visit I finally broke down and could barely tell the pediatrician what had been going on because I was crying so hard. He told me that my daughter was allergic to breastmilk and I’d have to switch over to formula completely. That’s when I felt like the biggest failure of all time. I also felt like such a bad mother for giving my daughter something she was allergic to for what I perceived as my own ego. I wanted to breastfeed, but Lily had been showing a preference for the bottles of formula for a while. Why had I been so blind to Lily’s needs?

So, we switched to formula. Then two months later I found out I was pregnant again. A few months into the pregnancy we moved. I had to find a new OB and a new pediatrician. When I took her in to the new doctor he asked me why I wasn’t still nursing. I explained everything to him. He then proceeded to tell me how sorry he was that I had gotten so much bad advice from the start. I, of course, got defensive. Who was he to say that all those other people had been wrong? But, I left his office with an explanation of what La Leche League was and how to contact them.

My mother taught me at a very young age that a person should always be willing to learn. Being pregnant, I decided to contact LLL and see what kind of information they could give me. Maybe this new pediatrician was the one that was right after all. I owed it to the new baby to find out.

It turns out he was right. I learned so much that I got angry. Why had I been given such horrible advice? Why didn’t the nurses at the hospital where my daughter was born know that newborns should never be put on a schedule? Why didn’t they know that sore nipples weren’t caused by nursing too much, but rather by a bad latch on? Why didn’t the lactation consultant tell me about the different nursing holds and that the cradle hold is one of the most difficult when you’re learning? Why didn’t her first pediatrician know that it’s normal for breastfed babies to lose up to 15% of their birth weight and not really start to gain it back until a mother’s milk comes in? Why didn’t he know that babies aren’t allergic to breastmilk, but can be allergic to things Mom eats that are passed on in breastmilk? Why didn’t he know about nipple confusion? Why on Earth would he tell me formula was just as good as breastmilk? Why didn’t anyone tell me what to do about my cracked and bleeding nipples? There were so many why’s and only one answer. Most medical professionals are grossly uninformed about breastfeeding.

I decided I was going to learn all I could possibly learn. I read everything I could get my hands on. I went to La Leche League meetings regularly. I met and talked with other nursing moms. There was still only one thing to overcome, my guilt at putting my precious daughter on formula when I really didn’t have to. Guilt is a very powerful thing. It took a while before I could look at her without feeling like I had let her down horribly. But life moves on and what kind of person would I be if I didn’t learn from my mistakes and do as much as I could to turn a negative experience into something positive.

On January 18, 2000, I gave birth to a handsome baby boy. This time I knew better. When I got bad advice from the hospital nurses, I took the time to educate them in the hopes that they’d listen and learn. I can only hope they didn’t turn a deaf ear; the fate of many nursing relationships start in their hands.

My son is 14 months old and still happily nursing. And, when my milk came in with him, I started giving my daughter cups of expressed breastmilk. Better late than never, right? I hit a few bumps in the road with him, but I knew where to go to get help. My husband and I are expecting our third in May. I have to say I look forward to tandem nursing and all the challenges it will bring.

When I found out I was pregnant with my first child I was so very excited. I signed up for all the classes that the hospital offered. Among them was a four hour breastfeeding class. It was broken down into two weeks worth of sessions, each two hours in length. I couldn’t imagine why anyone would need that much instruction!!

The classes were run by an Internationally Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC), and she seemed like such a warm caring lady! I remember during one of the classes someone asked her how long she nursed her babies. I was intrigued when she answered “probably what most would consider a long time.” I had no idea what she could mean.

The first class that was given dealt mainly with getting breastfeeding off to a good start and how to be successful at continuing. The second class was on working and nursing. Up to that time I hadn’t given much thought to what one does when she is working, and nursing. I am so thankful now for that class. I never would have been able to work and nurse my babies if it weren’t for that IBCLC! She gave us handouts covering what kind of pumps are available, spoke with us on milk storage, what to wear to work, to facilitate pumping and more. She made herself available to us by phone in case questions came up later.

One disadvantage for me with this breastfeeding class, was the lag time between the class (August) and when I actually went back to work (January). By that time, some of the finer points were fuzzy, and I relied heavily on library books to keep me going. I knew no one else who had worked and pumped for more than a few weeks. I am honestly not sure what kept me going. The first few weeks back at work were so difficult. I worked twelve hour shifts, so would be away from home for fourteen hours on average. Fortunately I worked only seven out of fourteen days. My baby would get up every two hours to nurse, and I was exhausted. One day in desperation, I laid down to nurse her, and didn’t wake up until morning. As I awoke I remember looking down to my peacefully sleeping babe, who had her mouth still open, just an inch from my nipple. I giggled, thinking of the all night buffet that must have gone on while I slept peacefully. After that I never got up to feed her again. She slept with me, and nursed at will all night. Both of us were better rested!!

Another “learning experience” for me came with the type of pump I was using. On the recommendation of my LC, I bought a Medela Mini-electric. At the hospital they had given me a Medela hand pump as well. Trying to save money on a pump, I decided to use the two together to “double pump” since I knew that would help my milk supply. I’m sure I was quite a sight that first week!! I managed a system to hold the mini electric in the crook of my arm, while operating the hand pump with one hand, and holding it with the arm that was holding the electric in place! By the end of the first week I went out and bought a second mini-electric. These pumps worked very well for me, even though they are not rated for full time use. After eight months of using the two mini electrics, a friend loaned me her Medela Pump in Style. It was wonderful and I used it until I quit pumping when my daughter was fifteen months old. I bought one for myself when I had my second daughter.

In the same way that nursing a baby is a little different for every mom, so is pumping for your baby. After reading all you can, and talking with anyone you can find that has done it, it comes down to what works for you. Here are a few personal tips that worked for me:

• Keep a “goodie bag” at work with extra supplies. This helps increase confidence, and often makes a minor setback one less hassle to deal with. In my goodie bag I kept: extra breast pads, an extra shirt, non-perishable snacks, some money (for those days I forgot my lunch!), extra pump parts and a hand pump that didn’t require electricity.
  
• Develop a support network. I worked with almost all women, few of which had nursed a baby, and none had pumped for more than a few months. While they couldn’t give me ‘been there, done that’ kind of support, there were several who were supportive anyway. You will probably quickly learn who you can count on, and who doesn’t really understand why you are doing this. It is also important to find a support network outside of work. My husband was very supportive, as were my LC and parents. You need someone who will keep you going during the hard times, not help you find a way to quit.
  
• Freeze milk in small quantities. I found that this reduced waste, and was easier to thaw. My husband was the primary caregiver for my second daughter and had a fear of feeding the baby a bottle, only to have her want more, and scream endlessly until he could get it defrosted. I, on the other hand, had a fear of him wasting the milk. Small portions seemed to be a good compromise for us. I froze in ice cube trays–each one was approximately one ounce. They defrosted quickly, and later were the perfect size to cool off a bowl of oatmeal, and get it to the right consistency for a baby on her first foods!!
  
• Have confidence in yourself. One of the things that helped me the first time around, is that I didn’t realize that I could fail. I was naive, and didn’t know about all the things that could go wrong. When I ran into a problem I remember thinking to myself “that’s funny, wonder what is up”, and keeping on. I never kept formula in the house, and just didn’t think of that as an option. In my weakest moment at the pump I remember thinking “so what if I don’t bring any milk home? What if I’m tired of all of this?” then I thought of the alternative (formula) and figured my hubby would be disappointed, and so would I after I got some rest!!
  
• Get a dishwasher. Sounds silly, but it was such a wonderful thing for me. When I got home from work, the last thing I wanted to do was take apart my pump and carefully wash it so I could have it ready for the next day. It was glorious to be able to toss the parts in the dishwasher and have them ready in the morning! Whether you get an automatic dishwasher, or designate the duty to your husband, this is something I highly recommend.
  
• Get a routine for your homecoming. There was one occasion–ONE only when my milk got left out all night. I had asked my husband to get it out of my pump bag, and put it away, and he didn’t hear. You can only imagine the weeping that happened over that milk!! Get a routine down for putting away your milk and prepping the pump for the next day. While that is the last thing you want to do, it is important!!
  
• Enjoy your baby. This sounds obvious, but it is so important!! When you are working and nursing, often there is so much extra work given to feeding the baby, that we forget to pure and simple enjoy her! Granted, pumping creates some extra work, but it is important, and we shouldn’t lose sight of why we are doing it. Take time to enjoy the baby–even if it means taking a sick day now and then. You and your baby deserve it.

My son was born three weeks early. My head was in a spin. I was a new Mom, with all the doubts and uncertainties that come with the territory. I had an unexpected cesarean section, my baby had a terrible head cold and I couldn’t get a decent latch out of him. I was feeling like a complete failure because I couldn’t deliver a baby naturally and I couldn’t breastfeed.

I got in touch with some breastfeeding moms online who gave me advice and even phoned me to encourage me. I was so overwhelmed that I just couldn’t “hear” what they had to say. I quit breastfeeding. I was sure it would be easier and at the time I just NEEDED easier.

So here I was with my baby on formula at a month old. We hit a new roadblock. He has HORRIBLE colic. I swallowed my pride and went marching right back to the women whose advice I’d shunned weeks earlier. There WAS a powerful force within me to breastfeed. I’d just temporarily stopped recognizing it. With open arms they began to help me through what would be the hardest three weeks of my life. I was going to relactate and get my baby OFF of formula.

This is how I began. I set a date when I would begin the battle and then set out to get everything ready. I built what I affectionately called a war room. In it I had in inflatable mattress, two gallons of water daily, a TV, a CD player, the TV guide, pillows of many shapes and sizes, toys, clothes, easy to grab foods (bananas, apples, pears, mangos, cheese, milk, crackers) and, of course, my lifeline to support : my computer. Anything I needed to eat I didn’t have to fix.

My next step was sitting down with my husband and telling him that this was something I had to do and I was going to do it. If he wanted clean clothes he had to wash them. If he wanted dinner, he had to cook it. If he wanted the house cleaned, he had to clean it. The only thing I was dedicating my time and energy to over the next month was relactating.

So we began. My house was a wreck, the clothes piled up and my husband ate a lot of fast food. None of that mattered. What mattered was getting my baby back to the breast.

When we started, my baby was eating four ounces every three hours of formula. We breastfed every hour on the hour for two solid weeks. I slept when he slept. Even at night every hour on the hour. We never stopped. He nursed for twenty minutes on each breast every hour. Then he got two ounces of formula every three hours with a dropper. I threw away every bottle I had in the house, just discarded them and didn’t look back. No bottles at all. No artificial nipples at all. The women that were helping me were so right on this score. It will not work if you don’t throw out the bottles. They are too big a temptation when you’ve become accustomed to using them and the baby has, too. In the middle of this battle, the temptation would have been too great. Take them to your Mom’s if you think you can’t make yourself throw them away but get all bottles out of the house.

We worked everyday weaning him off the formula. For four days he was at two ounces with a dropper, then we went down to one ounce every three hours and then after three and a half long weeks, he was solely breastfeeding.

It was the hardest three weeks of my life. I don’t regret it for a moment. What I would have regretted was not trying at all.

I used fenugreek and blessed thistle to help boost my supply. Neither of which tasted very good. I used teas and they tasted awful to me. I learned that if you put enough sugar in anything you can stomach it.

I ate in my war room. I slept only one hour at time for about two weeks. I was exhausted. It was very hard, but it is all so worth it now. I have a breastfeeding baby, just as I always knew and dreamed it should be.

If you are a mom reading this and you’re still in the deciding stages of whether to breastfeed or formula feed, please consider how much better breast feeding is than formula. If you think it will tie you down, let me tell you from experience that it’s a lot easier to pick up and go when you’re breastfeeding than it is if you’re formula feeding. You only need yourself to nourish your baby. Just think, when you formula feed you have to pack bottles, warmer, formula, and cold pack. When you breastfeed all you need is YOU.

I got off on the wrong track, but I didn’t stay there. I won’t kid you. Relactation is extremely difficult, but the key is that it is possible. It is more possible than you may realize. It is more possible than anyone in your life may tell you. If you need the support that isn’t available to you, you can find it here online. There are women like Cynthia, Susan, Cherri, and many others that held me up and kept telling me I could do it as many times as I needed to hear it.

If you got off to the wrong start and are looking down at your bottle feeding baby with regret, DO something about it. It’s not too late. Just take charge and do it. You don’t have to wait for another chance. You don’t have to wait until the next baby. Do it now. Get the support you need, get the information you need, and do it now.

Before my second daughter was born, I had already made my decision that I was not going to breastfeed. My decision was made mainly for selfish reasons and partly because I had an unsuccessful time with my first child due to a birth defect. I just didn’t want to be tied down.

My daughter was born and we had already tried three different formulas before we were even out of the hospital. To make a long story short, after three weeks of letting my daughter go through agony, I decided that she really needed to be able to breastfeed and set out to relactate. I had read somewhere that it was possible to do this even for an adoptive parent. I first looked up information on AOL and found the Breastfeeding Support board where I could actually talk to real people and get advice. I took their advice and found a Lactation Consultant and she helped me get started. She told me that it would take a lot of work but she’d help me through it.
By this time, my mind was made up. I was not going to stop. I rented a dual Lactina breastpump from the hospital and pumped every 2 to 3 hours for no longer than 15 minutes at a time. It took a few days to a week before I even covered the bottom of a bottle. I also tried using the SNS (Supplemental Nursing System) where I could put the baby to the breast and get her used to it while she still got the supplement through a tiny tube attached to my breast. I found myself getting a little frustrated with the SNS, partly because I was still trying to find a comfortable way to hold her. I faithfully met with the LC and she helped me find a comfortable position to hold the baby and then we discussed some herbal methods to increase my milk supply. I started drinking Mother’s Milk tea and taking Fenugreek. I also asked my doctor for a prescription for Reglan, which is also known to increase milk supply. I was not to go on that until I had tried everything else first. I kept pumping everyday, and each day I kept seeing more filling the bottle. That alone was such an accomplishment that it encouraged me to keep going. I put the baby to the breast as much as I could. I couldn’t believe I was actually enjoying this. By the second week of continuously doing these steps, I was able to breastfeed her exclusively. What a feeling!! It’s a feeling I just cannot describe. It felt wonderful.

Everyday I bonded with her more and more and now I just can’t imagine not being able to experience this wonderful gift that has been given to us. I can’t believe I almost missed out on this over selfish reasons. Now my daughter is thriving. She has no tummy problems anymore and is so much happier. I’m so glad I could do this for her AND me. It truly is rewarding. It takes patience and time to relactate, but I promise you it is the best thing you’ll ever do for you and your child.

I am not exactly sure when it was that she started really nursing well again, but I do know that we have a special story to tell about a beautiful little girl.

I believed that my daughter was going through the regular processes of weaning at six months old.  I did not have a lot of breastfeeding support and just accepted that this was how it was to be.  By seven months old she was weaned.  I didn’t know what had just happened to us — a nursing strike.

When I got pregnant with her sister, Isis, I almost immediately had a bleed from placenta previa and was put on bedrest.  In a way I think my higher power had a plan for me.  I  know there would have been no support for my nursing Cosie during my high-risk pregnancy.  She was almost 18 months when I got pregnant, so she hadn’t been nursing for some time and really didn’t seem to care about what she had lost.  That was until we brought Isis home.

It began with a vengeance, “Mommy I nurse?” she cried while watching me nurse her sister.  When I asked other mothers of nursing siblings about her pleas, they encouraged me to let her try.  Many of these moms knew I had a lot of healing to do with Cosie.  I really felt she got the short end of the stick when it came to nursing.  I had allowed her to wean so early, not knowing then that children just don’t wean naturally at six months old, or even a year.  While many children ask to nurse with the arrival of a new sibling, most don’t really want to actually nurse.  They are just looking for confirmation that mom is still there for them and that they are still valued, too.  This was not the case with Cosie.  She was serious and it was clear that this was a tangible need.  I needed to find ways to help her latch on properly because at that point it was only frustrating for both of us.  I would let her try and while she wanted to nurse, she had a heck of a time getting any milk out.  We would almost always end up expressing some milk into a cup for her to drink.  This seemed to satisfy her just fine for a time, although she continued to express a desire for the closeness of nursing.

With Isis being born a preemie, I didn’t have the kind of time I would have liked to devote to helping Cosie get back to the breast. Once Isis got to be a few months old, I really started working with Cosie. She wanted to nurse desperately, and I felt if she wanted to nurse that badly then she must somehow really need to and it was my responsibility to help her relearn how.   I taught her how to latch on properly, I showed her positioning, we used straws, we tried binkies, and thumb sucking.  Something must have helped as she was watching Isis nurse and one day it just clicked and she got it.  She nursed!  She nursed like she should, without sucking on my nipple like a piece of spaghetti.  She was actually nursing without hurting me.  We were both so amazed.  She smiled wide and said, ” No teeth?” meaning she wasn’t hurting me and I replied, “No teeth!” with a smile.  What heart this little girl has.  There was a longing in that heart that had been fulfilled.  The recognition of it in her shining eyes helped me to see that there had been a longing to match within my own heart as well, and it had just been met.

Cosie and Isis nurse together often.   I don’t mind tandem nursing and rather enjoy being able to give my youngest the best nutrition and my eldest the security she needed to know that she was not being left behind.  The nutrition, reduced risks of breast cancer for both of us, and the added immunities she is catching up on that she had lost from weaning so early are just added benefits.

From the beginning doctors told me that my eldest daughter is a high-needs child.  I think she is just incredibly smart and knows what she needs.  I have seen marked improvement in her behavior since she started nursing again.  She is a beautiful little person to be around.  We walked a difficult path of personal trauma this last year; the closeness that we have shared through nursing has helped her and I through it.  I was so glad that I had the encouragement I needed to help her get back to the breast.  Sometimes all it takes is the knowledge that it is possible and a few staunch supporters to get you through a challenging dilemma.  She really needed that extra comfort in a time of many uncertainties.

Now that Cosie is four and has been nursing again for well over a year, I find myself reflecting on this time in our lives.  She still nurses regularly, maybe once a day, mostly for security.  She still can find comfort at my breast on a hectic day, or avoid a fallout.  She still comes to me seeking the best relief when she is ill, when breastmilk might be all she can keep down.   I am immensely empowered as a mother who persevered and was gifted by the humbling experience of bringing Cosie back to a place she longed to return to…a return to nursing.

For further reading:

10 Good Reasons to Breastfeed Your Toddler

Breastfeeding a young child

A Natural Age of Weaning

Why Mothers Nurse Their Children into Toddlerhood

Do Babies Under 12 Months Wean?

When my first daughter, Elizabeth, was born in March 2000, I planned to nurse her for about 5 or 6 weeks till I had to go back to work, then switch to formula.  Since I work 12-hour days as a pharmacist with no scheduled lunch or breaks, I did not think that I would be able to pump.  Like many mothers, I knew that breastmilk was best but assumed that formula was just about as good.  After I started learning more about breastmilk through La Leche League and also through a great breastfeeding board, I decided I would at least try to pump.  I also learned about a few other pharmacists with my company who had made pumping work out.

Everything I had read said that I would need to pump at least every 2 to 3 hours, and because we are sometimes very busy at work, I did not see how this would be possible.  I decided to just do my best to work in pumping around our slow periods at work.  I ended up pumping 3 times per day.  I pumped once in the morning just before leaving for work (sometimes even pumping one side while nursing from the other side for a better letdown), then again in the early afternoon and then again in the early evening.  Thankfully I was able to get enough to meet my daughter’s needs while I was away.  I also made a point to nurse whenever possible, and save all of the expressed breastmilk for when I had to be at work.  In addition, I made sure to nurse more frequently when I was at home to ensure a good milk supply and so she could get as much breastmilk as possible directly from me.

Making a commitment to pumping for your baby is much easier if you are blessed with a work situation that provides a pumping room, ladies’ lounge, conference room with a locked door or some other convenient and comfortable location in which to take your pumping breaks.  If you don’t have an easy set up, it doesn’t mean that you can’t follow through and make pumping work for you.  Less than optimal pumping locations still provide breastmilk for baby.  With my first two girls, I pumped in a small storage closet in my pharmacy.  Not optimal, but it worked.  This time around, my pharmacy has since been remodeled and there is no longer even a small closet or other obvious place to pump.  Add to that the regulation of not being allowed to leave the pharmacy premises during my working hours, and it would be easy to give up and decide not to pump if I weren’t so determined to give my baby my best.  I will make this work, even though it will be challenging.  I am planning to rig up my own creation of a curtain between two shelves or a small divider so I can pump near the sink, and during my pumping times I will close the nearest pharmacy window.  Granted it’s not the most ideal situation, and certainly not the most private, but it will work.  It will provide a visual barrier at least.  I have heard of other pumping moms that have sat in a chair in a women’s restroom or break room, or even gone out to their car to pump.  I admire their commitment to continue to pump and have a positive attitude in spite of a less than perfect environment in which to do their pumping.

Another thing that I didn’t really plan on doing, but that helped immensely, was co-sleeping.  I knew of a friend who had co-slept with her baby, and I remember thinking that was one of the strangest things I had ever encountered.  But one night after 6 weeks of little to no sleep, we ended up just taking Elizabeth to bed with us.  It ended up working out great since she was able to nurse in the night as needed without anyone having to get out of bed or even fully wake up.  As a working mom, this was especially nice as we all got more sleep.  We discovered that with both of our daughters they would nurse a bit more frequently at night to help make up for being away from me during the day.  It was really nice to just be able to snuggle and sleep for these extra feedings.  With our second daughter, we planned on co-sleeping from the very beginning and now I wouldn’t have it any other way.

As my first daughter grew older, I learned even more not only about the benefits of breastmilk, but also about the hazards of formula, one of those things that we seldom hear about.  Usually we hear about how breastfeeding decreases the risk of many illnesses, but since breastfeeding is the biological norm for humans, the truth is that formula actually increases the risk of many illnesses, since there are so many living components of breastmilk that can never be replicated in a laboratory.  Additionally, formula is often recalled for issues such as bacterial contamination, which is something I’ll never have to worry about with my milk.  Learning about all the risks of artificial baby milk (formula) only made me even more determined to make pumping work out.  I ended up pumping for Elizabeth until she was about 14 months old, and possibly would have gone longer but since it was summer I wasn’t as concerned about her getting extra immunities from me since there weren’t as many illnesses going around.  She still nursed when I was at home though, even though I was pregnant with her younger sister at the time.

My attitude toward making pumping work has definitely come a long way over the past few years.  Now that I have become a more informed mother, my attitude has changed from “I just don’t think I’ll be able to do that and formula is probably almost as good anyway” to “I will never give any of my children artificial baby milk as long as I am alive to provide my milk for them.”  Now I am determined to make pumping work out, and if I ever had a job where my employers made pumping impossible, I would even go so far as to find a new job that was more family friendly.

I am proud to say that so far I have pumped for a total of about 25 months between both my nurslings, and neither of them has ever had a drop of formula.  I am now expecting my third nursling and again planning to pump and avoid artificial baby milk.  And let me not forget to mention my wonderfully supportive husband, Matthew, who is a stay-at-home dad.  Without his encouragement, I know that I would not have come this far.  We even managed to avoid using any artificial nipples with our second daughter Katie to avoid the risk of nipple preference.  I went back to work when Katelyn was just 9 weeks old, and Matthew fed her with a syringe for about a month until she learned to take her feedings by cup.

I hope that in sharing my story it will spread the word to other mothers that it is entirely possible to work full time (even long shifts with no set breaks), exclusively nurse your baby when you’re off work and never have to use formula at all for the hours that you are working.  It does take dedication and hard work, but it is so worth it when you consider the risks of artificial baby milk, and of course, the numerous benefits of mother’s milk.

Recommended Reading:

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by Gwen Gotsch, et al

Nursing Mother, Working Mother by Gale Pryor

I hate breastfeeding…no, it’s true, I really do!

I breastfed my first daughter Carla for three months, and it was sheer hell…engorgement, cracked bleeding nipples, baby nursing around the clock, and no information whatsoever. So I must say it was quite a relief to hear my pediatrician tell me at three months, “She hasn’t gained enough weight. You have to supplement with formula right now !!” Oh, the great advice an uninformed pediatrician can give to an inexperienced first time mommy. And off I went, sterilizing bottles, “Carla stop crying, baby, 10 more minutes and the bottle will be ready”, buying powdered milk, “man that’s expensive”, preparing bottles, “oops, I put too much”, warming up, “ah, shoot, it’s too hot!”

When I got pregnant with Jodie, I would spread the great news around: “Me? Nursing? NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Formula is so practical/wonderful/easy/blahblahblah.”

And then I read. One book. One link. And another…and another.. And as my waistline started to expand, my brain started to work (about time, huh?) By the time my belly had inflated to the size of a watermelon I said, “OK…maybe I’ll just try it. But if something, ANYTHING goes wrong, I’ll stop, UHKAY??” All that during my long conversations with my mirror who – I think – nodded silently.

Then the second most wonderful day of my life finally arrived (the first being the birth of Carla): Jodie was finally born! Right after birth, I felt this weird tingle, this warm sensation in my breasts that just whispered to me, “It’s time to nurse, mommy, baby’s hungry and needs you.”

I said to my mirror, “Let’s just try this for 6 weeks,” and got a silent approbation.

My husband was then transferred to Japan, and following the advice of a wonderful group of breastfeeding mothers I met online, I decided to ease the transition on Jodie by continuing to nurse her. I explained to my mirror that it was so much easier to roll over and nurse at night than to get up and fumble around in the dark to fix a bottle, etc… and I swear I saw a gently ironic smile at this point.

We first went back to our family in France for three months. It was really hard. No more online friends to cheer me on my small weekly accomplishments, no more source of fun to make my very trying postpartum depression easier on me, just my mom, who kept telling me, “Do what your heart tells you.” And that heart wouldn’t shut up! “Look mommy, look what a great thing you’re doing. Look how happy she is. Look how healthy, while her big sister constantly has a cold, a stomach bug…And now go look at your email box, where your friends probably left you links to look at, you know, just ’cause…”

Then we moved to Japan when Jodie was 5 1/2 months old, and it was one of the hardest things I had to do in my life. I didn’t speak a word of Japanese, no friends, no phone or internet for a while, everything was a problem, my husband was working constantly, and I felt so alone. But I wasn’t. I had my two babies with me, and my little one needed to grow. When you can’t read the labels on a pack of toilet paper, would you buy formula blindly? Didn’t think so.

So I kept nursing. A little longer…and a little longer…and just a little more…hey, doesn’t that link What if I want to wean my baby? state that “IF YOU NURSE YOUR BABY FOR A YEAR, you can avoid the expense and bother of formula. Her one-year-old body can probably handle most of the table foods your family enjoys. Many of the health benefits this year of nursing has given your child will last her whole life. She will have a stronger immune system, for instance, and will be much less likely to need orthodontia or speech therapy. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends nursing for at least a year, to help ensure normal nutrition and health for your baby”?

And to my online friends’ great amusement, I began my little countdown in my signature, counting the days until she was one.

I was so proud when she turned one! No more nursing for us!! Where is that gallon of milk?
Until further reading put this question in my mind that wouldn’t go away: “If nursing is so good for one year, why does it stop at 52 weeks?”

And it was easy…so easy to nurse her, so I kept going, ok, I admit it, out of laziness sometimes. Nursing her through temper tantrums, little booboos and big heartbreaks when I wouldn’t give her another cookie, and always reading, more and more about the benefits of extended nursing. By the way, if you need any links on the topic, I am a mine of information right now!

Jodie is now the most beautiful 2-years-old little girl in the whole wide world, and still nursing like a champion. I wouldn’t take it from her for the world. Especially when she looks at me with her big blue eyes and strawberry blonde locks asking “nursey, pleez.” Whenever I have to say “not now” because we’re in a hurry or else, she gives me this desperate look that says, “Why are you doing this to me?” She will self wean; she will choose herself and I will just follow her lead.

Breastfeeding is the greatest thing I have done, and I am so proud of myself and my baby girl.

“I hate breastfeeding.” Did I say that?
::drawing in the sand with my toes:::